There are various processes and hormones involved with bonding, but the one we hear most about is oxytocin; often nicknamed the "cuddle hormone". It has been heavily linked with feelings of trust, security, and love - whilst for parents it can influence maternal/paternal behaviour and even drastically reduce the risks of abuse and neglect. It even causes nerve junctions in the mother's brain to reorganise, making her maternal behaviors "hard-wired."
When mum breastfeeds, oxytocin is released - and many who work with breastfeeding mothers have commented it can be observed when feeding is going well. Mums gaze at and preen their babies, playing with baby's ears, toes and fingers, sometimes almost glazing over and losing interest in chatting. It is also oxytocin that causes mum to be so drawn to the smell of her breastfed baby, and many joke their babies are so used to their heads being scattered with kisses, they proffer that for a kiss when they get older! Baby makes his own oxytocin in response to nursing and mum transfers additional amounts in her milk.
All that said, mothers can still fail to bond when breastfeeding - if other factors are in play, perhaps trauma after a difficult delivery or postnatal depression; breastfeeding problems, nipple trauma and so on.... It's certainly no guarantee but more of a massive helping hand along the way.
Oxytocin isn't a hormone exclusive to breastfeeding mums; a large surge happens at the start of labour (which is one of the reasons why many experts now recommend letting labour commence - even if a Caesarean section is planned) and again as baby moves down the birth canal. It is also produced through touch and warmth ie the act of nurturing behaviour and is cyclic - so the more oxytocin is produced, the more you want to nurture, which in turn produces more oxytocin, and so on.
So going back to the breastfeeding mum - breastfeeding increases levels, which provokes nurturing behaviour and in turn more oxytocin. Mum HAS to hold baby to breastfeed, but what about the bottle feeding mum?
I'm sure many of us have been in a cafe and seen the baby still in a pushchair, mum holding bottle with one hand whilst she sits and reads a magazine - perhaps eating her own lunch. Sometimes baby is left to feed themselves entirely with absolutely no contact, and worryingly there is an increasing range of items on the market, designed to facilitate feeding without any human touch or "nurturing behaviour" - at what cost? Well apart from the very obvious choking risk which is why parents in the UK are advised never to prop bottles!
"Hugs and kisses during these critical periods make those neurons grow and connect properly with other neurons. You can kiss that brain into maturity"
Dr. Arthur Janov, in his book Biology of Love.
How can bottle feeding mums boost bonding?
Some mums are naturally very maternal - regardless of how they feed, perhaps having higher natural levels of oxyocin, prolactin and other natural morphine-like chemicals. For others bonding is a process that takes time, and there are lots of things bottle feeding mums can do to help boost levels of the several important hormones:
1. Skin to skin - whilst breastfeeding mums are often encouraged to do this for milk supply, it's often not suggested to bottle feeding mums beyond immediately after birth. All mums and babies benefit from this contact on several levels - physically, emotionally and neurologically.
Touch-especially between parent and child- induce opioid release, creating good feelings that will enhance bonding. Prolonged elevation of prolactin in the attached parent stimulates the opioid system, heightening the rewards for intimate, loving family relationships.
Linda F. Palmer, DC
2. Hold and cuddle your baby - consider a pouch or sling to keep baby close, the warmth and closeness of baby boosts hormones all round. Regular body contact produces a constant, elevated level of oxytocin in the infant, which in turn provides a valuable reduction in the infant's stress-hormone responses.
2. Feed baby yourself - in the early days when relatives and friends come round, it can be tempting to let them feed baby whilst you get on with other jobs. Swap roles and let them help out with chores as they would for a breastfeeding mum, whilst you relax and spend the time feeding baby.
3. Interact whilst feeding - gaze into your baby's eyes, stroke them, examine their fingers, ears - maximise touch all round. Feeding for a breastfed baby is a full sensory experience, mimicking this when bottle feeding makes the experience more fulfilling for both baby and mum.
One study found:
Oxytocin levels were associated with parent-specific styles of interaction. The levels were higher in mothers who provided more affectionate parenting — including gazing at the infant, expression of positive affect, and affectionate touch (Biological Psychiatry)4. Bathe with baby - ditch the baby bath and hop in! Warm water and skin contact is a double whammy - dads often love this too.
5. Don't bottle prop! - Really who doesn't have time to pick a baby up and feed them every few hours? Seriously if you don't have this time, do you have time for a baby at all?
A more variable release of oxytocin is seen in bottle-fed infants, but is higher in an infant who is "bottle-nursed" in the parents' arms rather than with a propped bottle.
Linda F. Palmer, DC
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